Fabinho Under 24hr Protection After Injuring Greatest Player To Ever Grace The Game
LIVERPOOL’S Brazilian midfielder Fabinho is under 24hr security protection after billions of the world’s football fans, and not just overexcitable Irish people, have reacted in fury at his challenge on the footballer Lionel Messi wishes he was, Evan Ferguson.
Never ones to over-hype and put undue pressure on a young prospect with a handful of games under his belt, Irish football fans have reacted with such anger to the horror tackle that Fabinho will remain under 24hr armed guard for his own safety for what remains of his life.
“I’ve seen less violence on an ISIS: Top Beheadings DVD,” remarked one distraught Irish fan, who had already prepared himself mentally for a Ferguson hat-trick against France in March.
“You’ve not just robbed us of our great hope, you’ve taken the sun from the sky, birdsong from the morning, ripped my heart from its chest,” said one Irish person, perhaps underestimating how important the 18-year-old Brighton forward is to the future of humanity.
“For restful death I cry, maiden virtue rudely strumpeted, and right perfection wrongfully disgraced, and strength by limping sway disabled,” another another Irish person, communicating solely through Shakespeare’s most depressing sonnets as means to articulate the devastation wrought by Fabinho’s tackle.
As Ireland awaits what it presumes will be a guaranteed lifetime ban for the tackle, the nation has preemptively banned Fabinho from consuming Guinness and setting foot in Carrolls gift shops. He may visit the Cliffs of Moher but his eyes must remains closed for the duration of his time there.
Such is the passionate ferocity on display from Irish football fans, Thierry Henry believes he might finally be off the hook.