If Shakira Can Have Messy Public Revenge Against Cheating Spouse, So Can You!

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HAVE YOU been reluctant to take your private heartbreak public? Well, now you don’t have to because if it’s good enough for Shakira to work through being cheated on by Gerard Pique with a scorching beat down of a clap back song then you can do it too!

While you don’t have the singing and songwriting ability of the Columbian nor the hips, don’t let that discourage you from calling out a cheating ex in public.

Update your LinkedIn to reflect you have left the position of ‘domestic servant @ Sean never cleaned up after himself’.

If he’s a cheater than surely his car could do with some good old fashioned ‘small dick energy’ spray painted across it, but just make sure you’re making enough of a scene that several people come out of their homes to record you on their phones.

Like Shakira you could put a plastic witch on the balcony facing your now ex-mother-in-law’s home next door. It doesn’t matter if you’re not literal neighbours; get a compass out and aim the witch in the general direction of her Eircode. Failing that, remain on very good terms with your in-laws, that will eat him up inside.

Yes, the most practical way to return his clothes to him would be in a suitcase, but what if before that you replaced all his clothes and shoes with identical items that are a fraction larger, his GP will have him committed when he says he confesses that he thinks he’s shrinking.

Tag the bastard in every inspirational quote and not-in-any-way-cryptic cryptic speech on Instagram. Swallow the entire contents of the hashtag mindfulness section of social media but not before swallowing a bottle of wine… now it’s time to go live on Insta!

You’d think turning up at your good for nothing ex’s workplace might scream ‘unhinged’ but not if done with optimal pettiness in mind. Simply print off bus shelter-sized copies of the cringey DMs you found on his phone to multiple women and place them outside his office.

And if revenge songs with hundreds of millions of views and streams are really more your thing, sing ‘traded a Rolex for a Casio’ as Gaeilge on the sideline of his next Sunday league match.

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