Waterford Regeneration Project To Cost 1 Children’s Hospital Canteen


PLANS unveiled for the redevelopment of the North Quays in Waterford which could transform the city as we know it has been costed at about €550mn, or ‘one canteen’ in Children’s Hospital money, experts have revealed.

“It just shows you Waterford really is the best value for money county in the country, did you know they have coffees here for under €5? Madness,” shared one quantity surveyor employed on the North Quays scheme, which is set to finally break ground in March 2023.

Key to the project’s budget being a fraction of the Children’s Hospital has been credited to the person in charge of the calculator refusing to randomly add a zero on the end of every item.

“Yes the final cost will be one Children’s Hospital canteen but even that canteen can only fit about 12 people, as long as their slim and under 5ft whereas Waterford will get a new bridge, relocating of a train station, a hotel, conference centre, retail units, offices and 300 apartments,” explained one infrastructure expert, who was still an embryo when construction began on the Children’s Hospital.

Meanwhile, Waterford commenters have flooded news articles on the North Quays with their usual display of upbeat optimism.

“This will never happen, boy!” insisted Damien Power, full-time pessimist and chairman of the Waterford Negative Comments Association, “we will do everything in our power to will this project to fail so we can all say ‘I told ya it wouldn’t happen’, like we always do”.