Absolutely Killing Nation On Inside Having To Rely On British Navy To Monitor Russian Ships

NEWS that the British Navy has once again been monitoring the activities of Russian military vessels in Irish waters because Ireland is ill-equipped to carry out such activities is currently gnawing away at the very soul of the nation.

“It’s killing me on the inside, in my bones, my nerves, on the outside, my eyelashes, the fucking works. We didn’t even have the Cork fishermen, our official navy, this time round to step in,” said one distraught Irish person, just sick at the thought of having to owe the Brits one.

The Russian Navy had carried out operations last week in international waters inside the Irish Exclusive Economic Zone, something Ireland needed Britain’s help with if it were to avoid any potential Russian aggression.

Issuing a statement the Irish Defence Forces confirmed they had liaised with British forces every step of the way in a strategic monitoring operation which saw vessels shadow the Russian fleet.

“This was a bi-lateral, two-pronged 50/50 approach which saw us ring the Brits in a bit of panic, begging them for help – a request they obliged to. This really is a triumph of Irish military might,” confirmed one senior Irish army official who broke from this interview to change his underwear.

Using the full capability of the Irish forces, the Air Corps also sprung into action.

“The Irish Air Corps were on the case alright, using binoculars from a shed,” said one mortified Irish person, who vomited in their mouth a little when having to use the term ‘Royal’ Navy.

“This wouldn’t happen under a Sinn Féin government, the Russians wouldn’t know what hit them when the army dispatched a hundred tracksuit clad youths armed with petrol bombs in a dinghy,” added one Irish man, in with a shout of being the next Minister for Defence.