Signs You’re A ‘Geriatric Millennial’


Read them and weep, you ancient sack of yesterday’s youth.

The term geriatric millennial has being doing the rounds for over a year and you’re only just discovering it

Okay boomer.

Yearning for a simpler times

When the internet was dial up and the relentless 24/7 nature of social media had yet to hit you with weapon’s grade insecurities.

And it was much easier to secure the @firstnamelastname prefixes on new and emerging platforms.

You prefer the last recession to the current economic squeeze

Less war. Well war wasn’t as close geographically. Well, ok, it was just as close but you were much more ignorant last time out.

Oh my God, your limbs they’re crumbling

Damn it, you’ve only got one set of bones – these won’t last another month judging by the number of pained groans you make every time you get out of the chair.

The youth, they’re so terrifying

Teenagers! Quick, cross the street.

Everything is happening so fast and there’s too many new terms.

Why is it culturally insensitive to call a tree a ‘lanky leaved leaner’ now? No thank you, I’m too tired and intimidated to talk about NFTs and the 72nd wave of feminism. When did everyone start watching anime? Back in my day we had something called The Simpsons.