Government Announce Plan To Convince Public Planning Laws To Blame For Housing Crisis

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THE GOVERNMENT is ‘full steam ahead’ on trying to convince the nation interfering nosy neighbours objecting to planning applications are the sole reason Ireland finds itself in a housing crisis.

“This 100% is not some attempt to weaken the planning objection system so that developers and businesses have even more of a free run things,” confirmed the Minister for Housing Darragh O’Brien.

The new strategy is being pursued after the Taoiseach said legislation needs ‘a complete overhaul’ to deliver on the targets in the Housing For All strategy, prompting one expert to observe ‘why in the name of suffering Jaysus did you form a plan and targets you knew were unachievable under current regulations?’

Dept of No Housing officials have also asked people not to focus on the fact that currently tens of thousands of homes and apartments have been granted planning permission, and instead fall for the government’s bullshit.

“Don’t think too long about the fact some developers are happy to sit and wait on active planning permissions instead of building, or how such tactics would see prices increase at a faster rate than the already Usain-Bolt-on-rollerskates pace of increases,” added a Dept. of No Housing spokesperson.

The government confirmed it can’t realise its ambitious plan to turn neighbour on neighbour, generation against generation without the help of media outlets, speculators and economists.

“If you could spout some bull about how the planning laws are inefficient, that would help us pretend we’re in it for the necessary reforms and so it’ll eventually come as a shock when really we were just trying to make it easier to build data centres and hotels on floodplains and protected areas. Sound!”

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