Student Accommodation? Here’s 5 Solutions


THE chronic shortage in the housing market has hit students hard this year, with many forced to defer positions or book rooms in hotels for weeks on end as they attempt to juggle full-time study with full-time flat hunting.

If you or someone you know is struggling with this problem, here’s five potential solutions that’ll see you sail through college in no time.

1) Be Rich

Studies have shown that being rich is one of the easiest ways to avoid hassle in Ireland, including the stress of finding accommodation. It’s vital to come from a rich family that can easily afford to pay the extortionate rents currently demanded by landlords, or indeed a family that had the foresight to invest in the property market and have an apartment ready for you to use. All they have to do is evict the family that lives there first and you’re away.

2) Sleep around

College wouldn’t be complete without a string of one-night-stands to remember/forget in later years. Sleeping around not only saves you a fortune, but there’s the bonus of having the sex every night. We would advise students opting for this to pack light, be open to all genders to guarantee accommodation and don’t forget to get regular check-ups.

3) Commute

We appreciate that college is hard and requires huge amounts of quiet time to allow you to study hard and achieve your dreams. And what better place to do that than on a 4-hour bus commute every day. Sit back in minimum comfort, hit the books as you chug along on a wet motorway while developing motion sickness from reading as you fend off drug addicts looking to use your phone to make ‘a quick call’.

4) Nightclubs

With night club closing times expected to be extended to 6am under new legislation, we would advise students to become gold card members to their favourite clubs. Earplugs are advised here along with some cheap Tesco vodka to help you sleep in a nice corner. This method along with option 2 above works best for most students.

5) Be Rich 

Again, we’ve already mentioned this one by we can’t emphasise enough how important it is to be extremely rich if you want to avail of Ireland’s ‘free education system’.