DUP Not Sure Foster Hateful Enough To Lead Party


DESPITE insisting to party members that things would get much, much, much worse if they’d just give her another chance, it appears Arlene Foster’s days as DUP leader could be over.

As rumours persist that a majority of party members have passed a motion of no confidence in Foster as leader at a meeting held in 1953, it is believed members feel Foster just isn’t hitting the high levels of backward and hateful leadership they expect from the DUP.

“Sure, it’s all well encouraging and defending Loyalists petrol bombing communities but we expect more from a DUP leader, we haven’t blamed the bad weather on the gays in ages, it’s shocking leadership. She even abstained on the gay conversation therapy vote AND has a lesbian’s haircut. This can’t go on,” shared one member.

Asked if now is the time for the DUP to reflect on an astonishingly bad few years, and perhaps focus not on tribal squabbles which achieve nothing but on bettering the lives of the communities they have roundly failed the spokesperson said “no, no, more hate is the answer”.

The current front runners to succeed Foster are Ian Paisley Jr’s holiday home in Sri Lanka, the empty void where Edwin Poots brain should be, a Rangers jersey and a Bible with the line ‘You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination’ highlighted with a pink highlighter.