Loyalists Just A Few Petrol Bombs Away From Having Existence Acknowledged By Rest Of UK


THERE was a real sense of excitement in the air today as Loyalist groups believed they were just a few more petrol bombs away from having their existence acknowledged by those in the UK who have absolutely no idea what Northern Ireland is.

“D’ye know what way they plan on doing it? Is it Boris giving us pats on the head as part of a ceremony? Or a tug job from the Lizzie?” one visibly excited young man said in between destroying his own local community at the encouragement of those public representatives responsible for his lack of opportunities in life.

“That should do it, that’s the one” a satisfied Loyalist ringleader said after commanding youths to throw a petrol bomb that nearly killed someone, all to absolute silence from mainland UK.

“Okay maybe… now,” he added after a petrol bomb crashed through the window of a bus.

Confused after getting a water canon delivered right into their faces, the Loyalists were now trying to fend off unhelpful and intrusive thoughts.

“You, you don’t think… they don’t give a fuck about us, do you?” asked one thrower of petrol bombs.

“You mean we shat on our own doorstep for nothing?” asked another.

“Wait I thought we were doing this ‘cus it was harder to get drugs in from the mainland due to custom checks?” added another confused Loyalist.

Elsewhere the DUP confirmed to angry Unionist communities that the party wouldn’t rest until they found the people responsible for pushing for an exit from the EU, lying about how it would all be so easy while knowing full well the problems and chaos it would cause in already neglected communities.