Wolves Spend 90 Minutes Debating Over Best Way To Kill Sheep


IRISH TV viewing audiences were left disturbed after stumbling upon Virgin Media One at 9.30pm last night to discover the channel was airing a spirited debate between two wolves during which they discussed the best way to stalk, maim, kill and cull their most beloved prey; sheep.

“Would it not be more advantageous to fatten them up so they are more juicy and succulent, in time for the next mass sacrifice,” offered one of the wolves who had patchy fur and a strange regional howl.

The tense debate saw the wolves, set on either side of a stage to give the appearance of being in opposition to one another, vigorously agree and make concessions on points made.

“How dare you,” responded the second, much more preened wolf, who has been leader of the pack responsible for culling in recent years, before he went on to passionately claim he and his wolf pack have worked tirelessly to fatten the sheep, allowing some of them to even grow out their coat which would be most valuable when the time came for the next Great Shearing.

Mindful that some sheep may flick the channel on and watch the debate, the wolves refrained from salivating and howling too much when discussing culls, and made a show of pretending to be very fond of sheep themselves.

“I know many sheep, and they baa at me about problems and I agree that the problems are bad,” shared one of the wolves, we’re not sure which one, they both look and sound the same after awhile. However, the wolves have never been seen speaking with sheep, they are only ever seen in conversation with other wolves, discussing what sacrifices the sheep must make to keep the wolves nourished.

TV channels have since labelled calls to include a fellow sheep, a shepherd or a border collie in debates of this nature as a ‘stupid idea’.