IN A LANDMARK day property developers are celebrating the news that Dublin City Council and An Bord Pleanála have finally seen sense and stood aside as a sensible solution to Dublin and Ireland’s housing crisis has been found in the shape of a return to Victorian era slums.
Developers, who had recently lobbied government and pleaded with planning authorities for ‘flexibility’ in co-living developments which would allow them to reduce the size of rooms below the legal requirement of 12 square metres, will rejoice at the news that the authorities have gone one further and welcomed cramped, unsanitary Victorian era slums back into the fold.
“We can’t promise to deliver all the associated illness and unsafe conditions that comes with Victorian slums right away, but we’ll try our best,” confirmed one developer who was thinking of applying for permission to build 15 or 20 large scale slums at most.
“We’re housing regulation ‘agnostic’ anyway, but to have government backing on slum construction… honestly, we’re kind of emotional right now,” another developer shared.
This news will come as a relief to renters who feared they might get to live somewhere that doesn’t make them involuntarily burst into tears now and then, however, the slums won’t be a complete replica of the shoddy and unsanitary developments from the 19th century as these dilapidated structures will be rented out at 2019 prices and probably have worse water cleanliness than seen in the 1850s.
“Don’t think of them as degrading hovels masquerading as a ‘home’ poor people are crammed into out of view, think of them more as your degrading hovel masquerading as a ‘home’,” concluded another developer, who can’t wait to be bailed out once more when this all comes crashing down again.