SO, you’ve finally decided that the world simply cannot go on any longer without you four-part science-fiction romance epic set in a dystopian near future, kind of a steampunk Othello with shades of The Hobbit, part hunger Games, part Fifty Shades, all awesome. That’s great. A Pulitzer awaits.
But first, you have to write the damn thing. Here’s 5 things you’ll need to get done before you start:
1) Change your social media bio to state that you’re a writer
If you say you’re a writer, then you’re a writer. Who is anyone to say otherwise? You’ve got an idea, you can type, a book deal clearly awaits you… so go ahead and announce to the world that you’re now a writer. Fuck the haters. Do you.
2) Make sure that you keep your fans updated
Guys, the ‘amwriting’ hashtag is there for a reason; to let people know you am writing. And that doesn’t always mean bashing out thousands of words; it can be anything, from lying in bed getting ready to start writing, to driving to the post office while thinking about writing. You don’t actually have to be am writing to qualify as ‘amwriting’. It’s all part of the process, and you should let everyone know about it.
3) Take a shot of a notebook outside
On your balcony. In the park. Up a fucking tree, wherever. Who cares. You’re a writer and your office is everywhere. Don’t be perturbed by the fact your notebook just has the words ‘chapter one’ written in biro and then a load of those ‘S’ things you used to do in school. Everything else will follow. What’s important is that you’ve made a start and you’re getting some good Instagram content along the way.
4) Bring your laptop to a coffee shop
And of course, follow this with a Twitter post about how you ‘hate to be that person LOL’. Have an Americano and watch YouTube until it gets awkward between you and the staff.
5) Look at your hands for a long time
Type damn you! Why are the words in your head failing to make their way to your fingers and onto a keyboard?! Write, you useless boney fucks! Do something!