Irish Government’s Brexit Rehearsal Test Involves Twiddling Their Thumbs


THE LAST 24 hours has seen many people breaking out in a wry smile and hearty chuckle after bearing witness to the British government’s ‘rehearsal’ for a no deal Brexit which involved a faked traffic jam of lorries headed for a port in Dover.

However, such an easy dismissal of the British government’s public display of their incompetence, stupidity and unpreparedness has lead people here in Ireland to more closely examine their own government’s preparations for a ‘no deal’.

The Irish government held its own rehearsal for a no deal Brexit this morning. Led by Taoiseach Leo Varadkar, a dry run of twiddling their thumbs while farmers and small businesses are decimated by the impact of a no deal was attempted.

“Look at all those sullen faces practicing their ‘we couldn’t have foreseen this, it’s all Brexit’s fault'” confirmed one government spokesperson who wouldn’t be drawn on the government’s failure to help alleviate the agriculture sector’s reliance on the British export market in the time since the Brexit result was known.

“We did a website,” added the spokesperson, revealing the government have left a significant numbers of stones turned. Assembling the cabinet in what he called a ‘fuck circle’, the spokesperson led a team huddle.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” the government said in unison, in a sure sign it was prepared for every eventuality.

In a bid to show just how focused the cabinet are on the task at hand, the twiddling thumbs rehearsal was extended by 10 minutes.