“Any Chance You Could Repeal Me Off This Fucking Trolley?”

ONE of the hundreds of patients currently lying on a trolley in an A&E unit in Ireland at the moment has taken to social media to ask Minister For Health Simon Harris if there was any chance that he’d take the energy and drive that he put into the campaign to repeal the 8th amendment and use it to ‘repeal a few of us off these fucking trolleys’.

Harris, Ireland’s first Minister For Health who people don’t want to see dragged through the streets, barely had time to soak in the adulation of his thousands of new fans following his participation in the landslide victory for women’s rights at the polls last week, before being hit with the news that the waiting list figures for May were the worst on record, and have risen by a staggering 116% on the same time from May 2006.

Hoping to ride the goodwill of the people all the way to the top of the political ladder, the Wicklow TD was disappointed to learn that people now expect him to go back to the drudge of managing a dilapidated HSE and undoing the negative effects of years of austerity on the Nation’s hospitals, working conditions and staff morale.

“Good job with the abortion thing Simon, but is there any chance you could do something about these trolley figures?” tweeted Waterford man Declan Stanley, who has been lying on a trolley in University Hospital Waterford since Sunday.

“I know you were distracted in May what with the referendum and everyone telling you that you were great, but 9,000 people on A&E trolleys? Come on, Si. Put the fucking Instagram away and get stuck in here. You did it for repeal, now do it for A&E. I know it’s not anyone’s idea of fun, but like, it is your one fucking job”.

Meanwhile Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has welcomed the growing look of panic on Minister Harris’ face, as he had feared that young Simon was in danger of getting to be ‘too popular’ and therefore ‘too likely to replace him’.