Ireland Closed


NORMALLY open with operating hours of 00.00-24.00 hours, Ireland has instead taken the decision to close with severe disruption to users of Ireland, WWN has learned.

Tommy McNally, Ireland’s caretaker spoke to WWN late last night as he was tasked with putting closed signs on various parts of the country.

“This is probably the largest sign we have,” McNally said as he spread out a closed sign on Dublin Airport’s runway, visible from the skies. “But the one we put over the Cliffs of Moher is a pain in the hole to get right. The wind keeps flipping it around to show the ‘Open’ side of it, so we have to go back and switch it back to ‘Closed'”.

People from abroad looking to gain access to Ireland and the many services it offers were left frustrated after being greeted by signs that informed customers it would reopen on Monday.

“There was just a sign saying closed and then a number to ring, but sure that went straight to Leo Varadkar’s voicemail,” confirmed one Spanish sailor who tried to dock his boat only to be greeted by locked doors with chains around them at every beach, harbour and port.

Anyone who was intending to use Ireland today has been offered an apology but are said to still be in the dark as to whether they will be issued a refund.