Woman Saving Big Life Questions For Bedtime


A LOCAL woman who had ample time to contemplate all of life’s most pressing questions during the day has instead decided to dedicate her energies to thinking about how she is just one person on one planet in a vast and ever expanding galaxy right after her head hits the pillow this evening, WWN can reveal.

Aoife Craney (27), from the Waterford City area of Europe, has distracted herself throughout the day with her work responsibilities and various social media apps and news, clearing a path for some free time to let a wave of anxiety, relating to her own insignificant contribution to human existence, hit her as she tries to sleep.

“I was going to panic earlier about the fact I’m 27, have no boyfriend, no kids and that having kids is pointless anyway because I’ll die like everyone else eventually, but I need kids so I can guarantee I have someone to care for me when I’m old, but you know yourself work got in the way. Nothing stopping me having a good old think about all that now though,” explained Craney as she lay wide-eyed in her bed staring into space.

Craney almost ruminated on the utter lottery of life and circumstances earlier today when eating lunch in the city after catching sight of a man begging, however, she became distracted by the presence of a kale salad on the restaurant menu.

Now, at 11.39pm, with nothing else to distract her, Craney is free to allow her mind to drift endlessly.

“Why does there have to be war? I mean, really why?” Craney said to herself, as she turned over her pillow to the cold side.

“I bet Alannah in work doesn’t fucking waste her time on thinking about this shit. She just gets on with things,” Aoife added, now entering the ‘why do I do this to myself’ phase on the night, which comes shortly before the ‘don’t think of all the starving children in the world’ portion of the night starting roughly around 1am.