Local Woman Always Has Something Wrong With Her

343
0
Share:

LOCAL LISMORE woman Rebecca O’Dowd always has something wrong with her if her most recent 1,000 health complaints are to be believed, WWN has learned.

O’Dowd, 27, had only recently gotten over a severe case of the sniffles before being struck down with a back ache which probably started because of how she tied her shoe laces one day.

“It wasn’t a twinge or an ache, it was maybe 40 to 50 levels above that in the pain stakes. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone,” explained O’Dowd, who was considering replacing all her furniture at home and in the office in order to aid her recovery.

“Here, have a look at this, do you think that’s anything to be worrying about? It’s itchy between the hours of 10am and 2pm but it seems fine otherwise,” O’Dowd said to WWN as she charged at us with her elbow rash which just looked like dried skin if we’re being honest.

O’Dowd’s coworkers have spoken of their concern for the serially ill woman and questioned whether she should be working at all given the extent of her ailments.

“She should fuck off home, I’m sick of hearing about how she’s dying,” shared close friend and coworker, Eileen Drury.

Interrupting herself to make a series of grunting noises as she felt the effects of each of her afflictions, O’Dowd was struck down yet again with something or other as one of her 435 allergies began acting up.

“Can you be too hydrated? Over-hydration? I’m worried now after that last glass of water, I mean what good can come of 300 millilitres, ya know? I have this feeling I might physically burst,” O’Dowd explained as she began Googling ‘death by liquid exploding in your stomach’.

Share:
X