Planet Now 47% Facebook Data Centres

A RECENT survey of the planet’s surface performed by NASA has found that almost half of the Earth is now entirely covered by some 23,000,000 Facebook data centres, raising fears it may be totally consumed by 2070 if legislation is not introduced to curb the phenomenon.

The survey found that a total of 92,543,000 mi² of the planet’s landmass is currently taken up by the storage facilities, which houses the information of almost two billion users.

“If Facebook continues to grow like it has been over the last decade, they could run out of room and may have to start seeking alternative planets or moons to house their servers on,” lead researcher of the survey Dr. Ren Schneider points out.

Last year, Facebook bought over 22 countries, including Ireland, to help expand its global operations, and provide quicker and faster loading times for its users hilarious videos and status updates.

“Is the development of modern technology slowly killing the planet – yes. Is it worth it for faster loading times and auto-loading videos – definitely!” defended a Facebook spokesman earlier, “your information is very important to us; from the instant message spat with your wife in 2009, to that dick pic you sent her sister in 2012. It’s important we build massive warehouses to store and process all this valuable information for people in the future to laugh at”.

Adding “Man, can you even fathom the amount of money your great-great-grandchildren will pay for your vintage messages? And the absolute gas they will have scrolling through your late-night drunken rants on news publication pages; it’s a fucking goldmine”.