Future First Time Defaulters Apply For A Mortgage


FOLLOWING the launch of a new government scheme to help couples onto the precious Irish property ladder, Carmel and Ted Lyons from Dublin have announced today that they will now apply for a mortgage, despite the shaky economy and extortionate property prices.

The future first time defaulters, who saved €35,000 euro in the last two years were said to be delighted at the news, as it may have taken them another three years to save the remainder of the required deposit.

Ted Lyons, (28 and a half), said he has been daydreaming about borrowing 350,000 euro for a poorly built home for almost 8 years and cannot wait to move into it with his twice as eager wife next year.

“We’ve been talking about owning a home ever since we got together,” Ted explains, unaware several major banks are currently in danger of collapsing… again, “Myself and Carmel would spend hours just lying in our rented apartment, praying to God that some financial institution would lend us enough money to waste half our income on”.

Previously the pair were told by the bank to save 20% of the cost price of the home, and that the strict measures were in place to prevent previous banking mistakes, which crippled the Irish economy, forcing 4 million people into depth with an unknown entity.

“Thanks Christ the government stepped in and intervened,” said an ecstatic Carmel Lyons, whose credit rating is okay for the moment, “Sure, this new 5% tax rebate may push up the price of houses overall, but a house is a house, and you can’t cohabit in Ireland unless you own a house. Baby Jesus said so”.

The Lyons’ are expected to apply for their mortgage later next week, before defaulting sometime in 2020.