Red Bull Launch New Range Of Craft Energy Drinks


ENERGY drink giants Red Bull have unveiled a new suite of products aimed at bringing 100% organic, artisanally produced sugar-water to the market, aimed at people who drink craft beer but still like to hit the shorts later in the night.

The new drinks, dubbed Réd Búll, promise the same great taste and heart-tissue eroding properties of regular Red Bull, but in a cooler can and at twice the price. People will be able to switch from craft beer to Vodka and Red Bull at any stage in the night, while still maintaining an air of smug superiority.

Each ingredient has been grown on an organically certified farm, while the taurine necessary for those classic Red Bull jitters will be synthesis solely by chemical engineers who have beards.

Taste-tests on the new Réd Búll claim that the the drink has the same vague taste of something fruity that people associate with regular Red Bull, while leaving the drinker open to conversations about “subtle notes” and “oaky aftertastes”.

“There was a time when if you were out for the night and you were drinking craft beer, you had to admit to just being another drunk when it came time to start downing Jager Bombs,” said Mike Bull, owner of Red Bull Inc.

“With Réd Búll, you can still be as hip and cool as you ever were, while getting that magical wide-awake drunk buzz going on”.

Réd Búll can also be used when studying or playing video games, but only when studying Art, or playing video games published by independent developers.