GAA Chief Promises To Bring Back Fair Shoulders, Heavy Deadeners, Fracases And Schmozzles


AMID fears that the great game of Gaelic football is in danger of becoming “too much like soccer”, GAA chiefs have pledged a return of good old-fashioned pitch-wide melees and ten-men schmozzles that won’t even warrant a yellow card.

With the current GAA season marred by a slow-paced, stop-start style of football that has seen more than one instance of Ronaldo-style rolling around on the pitch, leading to crying for a penalty after the lightest of slaps, spectators and players alike welcomed the news that good solid clouts may be making a return.

“Look up ‘GAA fracas’ on YouTube and point me towards a good scrap in the last ten years,” said one GAA fan, reminiscing about the days when leaving the pitch with as many teeth as you started with was far from guaranteed.

“What you have these days is lads that are falling all around the place like they’ve spent a month in the Helmand province, trying to get a free kick from 40 yards out instead of brushing off a box to the face and running on to score a goal. What example is that setting the younger fans? If the GAA don’t re-introduce heavy deadeners, we’ll be as well watching Spanish football in ten years time”.

Although most teams will adjust to the new hard-hitting style, it will not affect the current Dublin team who currently have a free pass at swinging digs at opponents without fear of being penalised.