90% Of Cinema Trips Ruined By Dickhead Kicking Back Of Chair


THE once treasured experience of a trip to the cinema is becoming increasing annoying, thanks to the work of some absolute prick in the row behind you who seems to be practicing for Riverdance.

Regardless of the time or day of a movie showing, the latest cinema-based research has indicated that as many as 90% of cinema trips are ruined by someone trying to administer an experimental form of massage using only their feet.

“I obviously missed the memo where they told you to start kicking the shit out of the seat in front of you in order to better enjoy whatever the 3D superhero movie is this week,” a fed up cinema goer, Martin Kiely, shared with WWN.

Research shows that it is not one single individual going around to cinemas ruining everyone’s moving-watching experience, but rather a shadowy network of ‘like-minded twats’.

“They’re part of an underground brotherhood like the Masons or something, but instead of trying to control the world from the shadows they just want to kick the back of your chair for 90 minutes, forcing you to go slowly insane,” cinema expert John Fillum told WWN.

It is thought this shocking trend will continue as you don’t have the guts to turn around in a hushed room and shout ‘would ya ever stop fucking kicking me seat, ye prick’.