Gardaí Apply For Their Own Dallas Bomb Robot


THE future of law enforcement could be about to hit a town near you, after An Garda Síochána put in a bid to get their very own remote-controlled executioner robot like the one used to kill the Dallas sniper.

Micah X. Johnson was involved in a shooting incident during a rally in Dallas last week, where he took the lives of 5 police officers and wounded many more.

Following a tense standoff, Johnson was neutralised to pieces by the Dallas PD who used a robot to deliver a block of C4 explosives to the room next to where the sniper was perched, detonating it remotely.

Members of the Irish PD, also known as the guards, were so impressed by the clever execution that they have put in an application for a terminator of their very own.

“They have an actual Robocop, and we’re here trying to take lads down with sticks,” said one Garda spokesperson.

“We’re going up against hardened, armed criminals with just a baton and the hope that criminals are for some reason scared of a fat lad from Leitrim. Fuck that. Give us a bomb robot, and we’ll not be long sorting out a few gangland feuds”.

Fears remain that should the application be successful, the robot may be used for tasks such as holding a speed gun on the N2 and going to the shop for more biscuits.