Guy Delivering Your 3-In-1 Hopes You Fucking Choke

DON’T feel like cooking tonight? Fancy a take-away? New statistics show that every fast-food delivery driver who arrives at your door with an order valued at less than a fiver is praying with every fibre of his being that you choke to death on it.

Usually going un-tipped, 99 out of every 100 delivery drivers answered “yes” when asked if they wished ill upon people who are too lazy to walk to a Chinese to get a curry fried rice/chips combo, with most adding that their murderous rage is greatly increased on mid-week runs.

WWN spoke to a number of these drivers as they made their drop offs around the city.

“Fuckin’ lazy pricks want everything handed to them,” said one takeaway delivery driver we spoke to, sitting at a red light in his 1997 Nissan Micra.

“You don’t mind doing big drops; like okay, you didn’t have time to feed a family of four or whatever. But sitting at home and just ordering one bag of chips for delivery. Man, I just hate pricks like that. There’s a delivery charge for orders under a tenner so that means no tip for me. That delivery charge isn’t going into my pocket, pal. I hope you fucking choke on your trio”.

100% of people who order just a spice bag or whatever have come out and said that they were completely unaware of any animosity from the delivery driver, adding that it would perhaps explain why they knock angrily on the front door while ringing the doorbell at the same time.