Down With The Kids: Learn The True Meaning Of Phrases Your Kids Are Using
LOL, OMG, ROFL, how are you? These phrases had baffled concerned parents for years, but after investing time and energy into serious research, many were able to crack the cryptic way many teenagers speak.
However, it seems right as the true meaning of one phrase is learned, another one pops up out of nowhere allowing teenagers to lord it over their parents, laughing at their expense as these teenagers run amok.
WWN is here to help concerned parents, and even lazy parents too, to better navigate the minefield that is secret teenage communication:
“Love you”
‘Love you’ seems straightforward enough, however, teenagers these days changed the meaning of the phrase while you weren’t looking and it is having shocking consequences.
‘Love you’ no longer means ‘I’m about to ask you for money’, it has now taken on a more shocking meaning. If your teenager utters those words in your direction, restrain them immediately and never let them leave the house again because ‘love you’ is street slang for ‘I’m about to send a picture of my genitalia to all my friends and the entire population of the internet in exchange for some cold hard cash, I may also consider a life of prostitution shortly as I want to buy a car’.
Teenagers cannot be trusted, parents owe to themselves to wise up.
“I’m going over to John’s house to watch a movie”
It seems like innocuous shorthand for ‘we’re gonna stick a comedy on and laugh the night away’ but of course with kids these days being inherently dishonest, something more sinister lurks behind this phrase’s true meaning.
‘Over to John’s’ is shorthand for I’m going to partake in a coke-fuelled orgy and there’s nothing you can do about it. Shocking, we know, but it is every parent’s duty to learn the meaning of these evasive phrases that are now part and parcel of children’s day to day conversations.
“On point”
One of the more common phrases parents are all too aware of now. “On point” as you well know means ‘I’ve converted to Islam and I’m off to join ISIS’.
“Off to play 5-a-side with the lads, backa round 9”
‘Football’? ‘The lads’? ‘Off to’? It took considerable research for WWN to crack to a seemingly meaningless assemblage of words, but we did. The apple of your eye might claim he/she is off to ‘play football’ but he/she is really going to inject heroin directly into their eyeball while driving the wrong way up a motorway at 100kph.
The adrenaline junkie trend now pervading youth culture is plaguing and corrupting the minds of children everywhere, you have been warned.
“Mam, Dad, something awful has happened, there’s blood everywhere. I think, I think… I killed someone”
Teenagers have a flair for the dramatic, but in this case, don’t give in to their over the top proclamations of killing someone in a fit of rage. They’re just looking for attention.