5 Sneakiest Women Of All Time
AMBER Heard; boy, there’s a sneaky bitch. The actress and woman recently filed for divorce from her famous husband Johnny Depp®, sporting an oh-so-convenient bruise on her face to help with those domestic abuse claims. Depp’s friends and supporters leaped to his defence, taking to the internet to confirm what the majority of men believed all along – Heard had tricked Depp into marrying her, then orchestrated an excuse for her to get her hands on all Johnny’s hard-earned Pirate cash.
That’s a pretty sneaky thing for a woman to do, but it’s not without precedent. Here’s 5 of the sneakiest women of all time, who tricked honest, hard-working men into handing over every penny they had.
1) Oksana Grigorieva
Depp didn’t have to look far to see what happens to men in Hollywood who marry women. Fellow actor Mel Gibson got played like a tin whistle a few years ago by his then-wife Oksana Grigrieva, who goaded the Lethal Weapon star into knocking the shit out of her, and then had the audacity to divorce him. Mel, generally as calm as an Autumn breeze, rang his “terrified” wife and threatened to “kill her” and “bury her”. Luckily, Grigorieva’s scheme didn’t fool anyone on the internet. Smart bunch, them internet people.
2) Eva Braun
What turns a nice Austrian boy into a demonic despot, hellbent on world domination? That’ll be them younger women, right there. Eva Braun was 23 years younger than Adolf Hitler when she got her hooks into him, staying with him before killing herself right when the going got tough. Typical woman right there, turn a man against his friends, then ruin his life. Hitler was alive for 56 years, he gets married to Braun and 40 hours later he’s in a rolled-up carpet being set alight by Russian troops. Same as what happened to a mate of ours last year, poor bastard.
3) Elena Ceaușescu
History repeats itself. Nicolae Ceaușescu was doing alright, as far as communist dictators went. He was beloved by the Romanian people that he hadn’t murdered, he has a nice big house, few quid, and a healthy regime of oppression and terror on the go. What happened next? Starts listening to the missus. Ends up being shot to shit in a yard. She was shot to shit too, by his side, but she had it coming to her. Poor aul Nicolae deserved better.
4) Eve
The sneaky bitch that started it all. According to the Bible, AKA the internet of its time, Adam was living it up in the Garden Of Eden until herself landed along. Snake offers Eve an apple, and the dumb bitch ate it. Eve offers Adam an apple, and what was he to do? Not eat the apple? Come on. You can’t hold him responsible for that. In fact the more we look at it, Eve probably ate both apples, and blamed him for it. We never see Adam eating the apple. Paintings of the incident just show two apple cores. She should’ve just punched herself in the face and said Adam did that, too. Oldest trick in the book. Luckily, we had the hard-working male writers of the Bible to make sure that the incident was documented, and that women were put in their place for thousands of years.
5) Malala Yousafzai
Gotta admit, she had us fooled. Malala was just 15 when a Taliban gunman boarded her school-bus and shot her in the face, for speaking out about women’s rights. Fast-forward a few years, and she’s picking up Time magazine awards, Nobel Prizes, travelling the world doing talks… and laughing her ass off at how she managed to manipulate her way to the top by goading a man into violence. She wouldn’t have been shot if she hadn’t been all naggy about how women in the area were second-class citizens, leaving the Taliban with no other option than to lash out at her. It’s the Taliban we feel sorry for in this equation, their reputation is in tatters, thanks to the sneaky actions of a girl with just her own interests at heart. We’re just mad we didn’t figure it out sooner.