WOW! Check Out This Irish Schoolboy’s Letter To The Queen Asking For The 6 Counties Back!


IT seems like with each passing day here at WWN we’re gifted with some banteriffic banter that puts all previous bantering in the shade, and that is very much the case with 11-year-old Colin O’Connell.

This intrepid and curious young man got in touch with the Queen of England, querying why she still had her mitts on the North of Ireland. Gas stuff, a child writing a letter. To the Queen. Read it all below for a wry smile and a hearty bellyache:

Dear Queen,

You are my least favourite Queen, behind the band and all the other queens I can think of from the top of my head. My daddy always screams ‘cunt’ every time he sees you on the TV, why does he do that, Queen? We were learning in school about how Padraig Pearse made up Ireland in his head after thinking really, really hard when he was in the GPO, but then your daddy, or brother, or cousin or something said ‘hahahaha that’s very funny, but no’.

That has made a lot of people sad, especially my mam who always shouts ‘filthy auld bitch’ when you’re on the TV. Why is that? Mammy much prefers Kate, which is why she’s always reading about her hair on her phone. My mam says you have shit hair, like Jeremy Clarkson.

When your son or uncle or whatever said ‘hahaha’ to Padraig Pearse and then deaded him in his heart, you took the 6 counties, and I’m wondering is that why my brother called you ‘cobweb muff bag’ when you were on TV at Christmas?

Why are you even rich? Daddy say’s you’ve been on the dole for years.

People seem to really not like you much at all. When people don’t like me, I try to be really nice to them and give them presents. Have you considered doing that with the 6 counties? You still have Scotland to ignore.

My teacher told me to write this so we could get in the papers, please help, she smells of alcohol,


Colin O’Connell

Age 11