Sinn Féin Debate Whether To Get Gerry Adams A Gold Watch Or A Carriage Clock

AS polling day draws near for the 2016 general election, Sinn Féin have called an emergency meeting to determine whether to get party leader Gerry Adams a gold watch or a nice carriage clock as a ‘going-away present’.

The decision was made to get Gerry a farewell gift following his shaky performances during the leaders’ debates throughout the election campaign, where he was inextricably linked to the IRA and was unable to present the Sinn Féin manifesto without the other leaders dragging the past into the argument.

Either the clock or the watch will be presented to Gerry after he is asked to step down as leader of the party in order to let someone rise up the ranks who doesn’t have such easily-attackable links to paramilitary organisations, with the intention to make Sinn Féin more appealable and known as something other than “the Ra crowd”.

“It’s just a little something to thank Adams for his services to Sinn Féin in the Republic since his election to the Dáil in 2011,” said Mary-Lou MacDonald, who many believe is next in line for Sinn Féin leadership. “Some of us say watch, some of us say carriage clock. Either way, we’ll all sign a card that says ‘cheers Gerry’, but we’ll take it from here. There’s no word about a whip-around yet, but I’d say we’ll chip in a fiver apiece”.

Regardless of whether Adams receives a clock or a watch as his parting gift, most party members have already decided that they’re going to write “Now you’re not to use these as timers Gerry, LOL” on the card, just for the laugh.