Politicians Stock Up On Hand Sanitiser Ahead Of Meeting Electorate


“YOU really have to go for two squirts to get rid of that electorate smell,” said independent candidate Sharon Kerrihan, scrubbing her hands with hand sanitiser.

“Seriously, you don’t know where some of these people have been”.

Kerrihan is just one election hopeful who gets through three bottles of sanitising gel per day as she “presses the flesh” on the campaign trail. In her Kildare East constituency alone, it is estimated that some 7,000 gallons of the anti-bacterial handwash will be used by politicans who wish to rid themselves of “voter germs” in the run-up to voting day.

Fianna Fáil, Labour, Fine Gael and Sinn Féin have all claimed thousands of bottles of hand sanitiser as expenses, in a bid to stay nice and healthy during occasions when they have to face the public.

“It goes shake, shake, smile, wave, then a good dollop of hand sanitiser to kill any bacteria that the voter may have transferred to you,” said Liam Jennings, chief of sanitation for the Fine Gael/ Labour coalition.

“Otherwise, who knows what you could catch; sickness, poverty, unemployment, whatever else these people are carrying. Once you’re elected you’re grand, you never have to see these people again. But for the next few weeks you’re out in the middle of them, so you have to do your best to stay clean”.

Many TDs are unhappy with the use of hand sanitiser when meeting the public, claiming it only blocks 99.9% of bacteria. Most have expressed a wish to wear face masks as well, or perhaps only appear in public while encased in a special bubble suit.