WWN Guide To Begrudgery

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WE’RE famous for it, but for a small number of us when we hear of someone else’s success we can’t help but be happy for them. Well, time to study up as WWN has just the guide for you, the begrudgery-illiterate people of Ireland.

No matter what it is; a new job, a marriage proposal, pregnancy, the all clear after chemo, you must immediately engage with the part of your brain that asks ‘why am I unhappy?’ and then channel that anxiety straight into shitting on the happiness of others.

If someone expresses pride in something, that may have taken years of hard work, dedicated research and a great intellect, the amateur begrudger amongst you might point out that ‘any one can write a doctorate paper on airborne pathogen’, but if you’re serious about begrudgery you need to head on over to Google and immediately find something which contradicts 7 years of hard work and send it their way.

Likewise, if they’re celebrating a new job, inform them that if they had any decency they would send all the money to poverty stricken regions in Africa.

Begrudgery can often be time consuming, and not everyone can invest the time and energy into being an effective begrudger.

A quick shortcut around this can be a God send, if you’re serious about absorbing such a practice into your everyday life simply ‘tut’ disparagingly every time someone speaks with a positive tone in their voice.

Law of averages being what they are, you’ll catch the moment they are truly happy about something they or someone else has achieved, and you will deflate the bastards almost instantly.

Is the advice above still not helping you gain the necessary skills? As a last resort we recommend complaining about begrudgery in general, and you will find yourself lost down the dark alleys of negativity in no time, emerging into a new found day light which seeks only sorrow where once there was joy.

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