Nation To Avoid Dubliners For The Day

THE majority of the Nation is set to spend the day avoiding Dubliners at all costs following the capital’s success against Kerry in the All-Ireland football final yesterday.

While native Dublin residents are famously unbearable to be around on any ordinary day of the year, an observation which was backed up by a 2011 study carried out by MIT in America, the day after an All-Ireland championship victory makes them impossible to be in the company of.

Dublin-based businesses have been hit with a huge number of sick days as non-Dublin born workers cannot face the prospect of listening to the gloating of a county with a population of over 1 million people.

“I’m thinking of just shutting down the office for the weak, for the sake of worker morale,” Cork born business owner Carla Humphries told WWN of her Ranelagh based business.

“And I’d hate to think of how long I would have had to close up shop if Dublin played anything approaching watchable football,” Humphries added.

A number of incidents on the country’s roads have been reported to Gardaí as motorists have sped up to avoid Dublin reg cars, and in more severe cases, several drivers have mounted pavements and swerved across lanes at the sight of Dubliners.

“The real fear is that you’ll be cornered by one of them, and they won’t shut up talking about the game until the championship starts up again next year,” Trevor Nealon, a Sligo born Dublin resident explained to WWN from the safe confines of his home.

A nationwide alert system has been enacted by the Gardaí allowing the public to report sightings of Dubliners in an effort to help people avoid the affected areas.