Incontinence Up 75% Following Bumper Crop Of Piss-The-Beds


SLEEPING routines across the country have suffered massive disruption in recent weeks as an unusually large crop of Piss-The-Beds has caused a surge in incontinence.

Piss-The-Beds, sometimes knows as Pissybeds, Pissabeds, or Piss-In-The-Beds, are known for their tendency to make those who come in contact with them to urinate at night.

Scientists studying Piss-The-Beds have tried for years to explain why the yellow plant causes people to wet the bed, with varying reports as to how much contact you need to have with the weed on order to for it to nocturnally weaken your bladder.

Many believe that you need to eat a Piss-The-Bed for it to engage its diuretic properties, whereas others claim that even picking one or walking past it will make you piss yourself all night.

“Get the plastic sheets out, because there’s Piss-the-Beds are everywhere this year, ” said Dr. Leo Daniels, chief Piss-The-Beds researcher at the National Botanic Society.

“We’ve experienced a 75% rise in reports of incontinence in some areas, with urban areas experiencing just as much disruption as rural communities. Our advice is to plan your journey to avoid Piss-The-Beds as best as you can, and not drink anything after 6pm”.

The Piss-The-Bed crop is expected to last for the next four months, at which point they will turn into Clocks which will help people to tell the time.