IN yet another sign of the growing unreciprocated affection Moneygall has for President of the United States, Barack Obama, the town has officially unveiled its Barack Obama visitors centre.
A US spy drone was on hand to officially open the centre in the place of President Obama, who stressed he doesn’t need to amuse the Irish Amercian vote again as he is in his second and final term of office.
From some several thousand feet away up in the sky the drone accurately sent a missile down to the red ribbon and cut it with terrifying accuracy. Several people died, but nevertheless the opening was a great success.
The Barack Obama visitor’s is made up of 27 floors and is believed to be the largest testament to Ireland’s inferiority complex.
At the launch itself WWN were given access to the centre and were able to marvel at the rich history of Barack and Michelle Obama’s visit in 2011.
Among the interesting items on display is a jar of the President’s urine taken from the toilet bowl of a local bar.
Publican Henry Galvin explained how he retrieved the item. “Ah, I took a hammer to the pipes the day before they arrived, I was hoping he’d do a shite but no luck. Pipes were nice and blocked though, so I went a fishing and there’s the jar there in all its glory.”
Pride of place in the visitor centre is of course a lock of the Obama’s hair, which was cut from his scalp by a hotel porter as the President slept soundly. The porter, John Devine, has never been seen again, but his contribution to the centre is unmatched.