Ryan Giggs To Be Put Out To Stud



Following his trophy-laden 24 year career with predominant English soccer club Manchester United, Ryan Giggs recently called an end to his on-pitch pursuits and now comes news that he has been sold to a nearby footballing stud farm.

Located in the Yorkshire Dales and run by one of association football’s most esteemed stud farmers Oliver Quinlan, the 33-acre estate offers Giggs plenty of space to exercise his footballing skills throughout the day as well as having dozens of customers lining up to pay top dollar for the former Welsh internationals valuable sperm.

“It was quite the bidding war to get young Giggs up to here” said Quinlan, whose farm currently stands over twenty former premiership players at stud.

“A pedigree like his doesn’t come along every day. We’re talking about the most decorated player in English footballing history, as well as a renowned producer of copious amounts of top quality semen. We paid more for him than we paid for half of our entire stock, but we’re confident that he’ll make a handsome return for us”.

With the Premier teams in constant demand for new talent, stud farms such as Oliver’s are an integral part of football today. Players like Giggs will sire up to fifty new soccerlings a year, who will then go on to be sold at auction to clubs up and down the country. A well-bred soccerling can reap handsome rewards for the club that takes him in, so choosing one from an esteemed farm is essential for today’s sports agents.

Continuing our tour of the impressive facility, Quinlan went on to describe how an average day on the farm will play out for Giggs when he arrives.

“The players are normally awake at around eleven, half eleven in the morning or so” Quinlan said, shaking Lucozade Sport into a trough beside the footballers paddocks. “They get a bit of breakfast, then they have a run around to keep themselves fit. Prospective buyers want to see strong musculature and glossy hair on a player before they’ll pay out. They spend some time on the pitch with the latest herd of soccerlings, before they get to work producing semen”.

“We keep a dozen thoroughbred female sports stars on the farm; former tennis players, decathletes and so on, but we do allow outside females to come in… Nuts models, Big Brother contestants and the like. Towards the end of the day we’ll get the boys to fill a few jars for us so we can sell straws of semen for the artificial insemination of football heifers that can’t attend the farm”.

Failing a leg break or similar injury which would require him to be shot, Giggs is expected to stay on the farm for the next twenty years.