Staff Rejoice As Co-Worker Finally Shuts Up About Nespresso Machine



Management and staff at accountancy firm Boylan & Blake can breathe a sigh of relief this week, as it appears that secretary Alison Lally has finally managed to stop going on about her Nespresso machine.

The unmarriable woman had bought herself the 300 euro coffee dispenser as a Christmas present, before spending the following three months subjecting her co-workers to daily updates about it. Accountancy temp Jim Bowe told us of the ordeal he and others have suffered;

“Every morning at wee break, she would start on about this coffee machine again” said a visibly exasperated Bowe. “How easy it was to use. How tasty the coffee was. At first it wasn’t a problem; in fact, some of us were actually quite interested. But as the weeks became months, it started to really get to us. It took me personally to quite a dark place… every night I would lay awake thinking of ways to break into her house and smash that fucking machine”.

It is believed the waning novelty of the Nespresso machine coupled with the exhaustion of the €80 capsule credit received on purchase caused Ms. Lally to finally stop bringing it up all the goddamn time. Following almost a week without a mention, workers at the busy accountants have started to look forward to their tea break at 10 o’clock.

“We can actually enjoy our break now” said HR manager Tina Biscott. “Up till now you had Alison prattling on about how delicious her flask of coffee was, while making yucky faces at our mugs of instant coffee asking how we could possibly drink such muck. She’s just the kind of person that feels the need to constantly talk about things she owns because she has so little going on in her life otherwise”.

Ms. Lally was unavailable for comment as she was shopping for a George Foreman grill and a Magic Bullet Juice machine.