God To Bring Forward Judgement Day Over ‘Selfie’ Addition To The English Language
THE GREAT Lord almighty announced his decision today to bring forward the day of Judgement following his ongoing disgust with the human race and its blatant stupidity.
Armageddon, which is due in 2034, is to be brought forward to December 31st this year, a spokesperson for the creator of the universe stated today.
“He’s pissed,” said Arch Angel Gabriel. “It wasn’t just the selfie thing, but a number of other factors that led to the almighty’s decision.”
God was reported to have ‘lost the plot’ over the recent addition, throwing large planets together in a fit of rage.
“He has sent a large comet to destroy the earth before the new year.” warned Gabriel. “I haven’t seen him this mad since Eve acted the bollocks with that snake.”
The Holy Father also condemned the current pope for getting caught up in the stupidity, stating that he should have wiped out the Catholics years ago.
The selfie has grown in popularity over the past few years as millions of people, including the Holy See, have posted them online.
God has reassured humanity that the day of judgement will be quick and painless, but he will take pleasure in extinguishing the human race forever, stating that it was his own fault for letting Adam and Eve ‘fool around’ with the earth monkeys.