Government To Ban ‘Quinn’ Family Name From Absolutely Everything By 2014

THE GOVERNMENT announced its decision today to ban the family name Quinn from absolutely everything to do with business by 2014.

The decision was made following a three hour debate in Dail Eireann this morning, which seen a majority vote for a total boycott of the Quinns in Ireland.

“I’m sure this is how the Germans felt about the name Hitler after the war.” said Taoiseach Enda Kenny. “Its best we prohibit all Quinn’s from future trading on the island.”

Earlier it was announced by monopoly cash and carrier, Musgraves, that all its Superquinn stores are to be rebranded as SuperValu from February next year in a bid to justify the markets chains extortionate prices.

“We decided to take the governments stance against the Quinn name.” said Musgrave CEO Chirs Martin. “The ‘super’ high prices part will remain the same.”

However, not every member of the Dáil voted in favour of the decision.

Minister for education Ruairi Quinn slammed the decision to ban his namesake earlier, stating the move was nothing short of ‘familist’.

“To think in this day and age that an entire family should have to change their name by depot to succeed in business, is ludicrous.” he exclaimed, while being jeered by everyone in the chamber.

Fianna Fail leader Michael Martin suggested to the minister to ‘take his wifes maiden name’ instead, which is Allman.

“At least it’ll sound like you have a pair of balls.” he added.