Ireland Ecstatic As €250m Mahon Tribunal Finds One Man Guilty Of €25k Bribe

MILLIONS of Irish men and women took to the streets today to celebrate the findings of one of the countries biggest tribunals to date, which proved beyond reasonable doubt that Frank Dunlop bribed councillors a staggering €25,000 euros to rezone land in Carrickmines in south county Dublin.

A national day of celebration was called by Taoiseach Enda Kenny following the news, and street parties are expected to last right through the day and into the early hours of next week.

“This is a momentous occasion for the island of Ireland.” said Mr. Kenny, at a packed press conference outside Leinster house earlier.

“Not only was justice served here today, but the final chapter has been written in the states book of corruption, which went unabated for so many years under the former Fianna Fail government.” he added, while pointing at passing Michael Martin, who was leaving the Dáil for an early lunch at the time.

Publication of the closing Mahon report had been delayed until after the corruption trial involving businessman Jim Kennedy serving and former county councillors he was alleged to have bribed.

However, that trial collapsed last week due to the poor health of lobbyist Frank Dunlop, who complained of of a ‘stiff neck’, believed to have be caused by a draft from under a courtroom door.

Meanwhile, absolutely every Irish citizen was delighted with the outcome of the 250,000 euro a day trial, which ran for 900 days.

“I’m sure it was all well worth it.” said unemployed brick layer, Joe Soap. “When you take into account the cost of lawyers fees and that these days, I bet it was even a bargain at a quarter mill a day.”

“But that Dunlop dope should have shut his mouth and said naughtin’ like the rest of them!”

“Would have saved us all a fucking fortune!” he added.