Economic Fears Grow As Irish Markets Phone In ‘Sick’ To Work This Morning

TRADERS at Ireland’s ISEQ have warned of more economic turbulence today after the markets failed to turn up for work this morning.

An Irish Stock Exchange spokesman said the markets were contacted at half past ten this morning and said they were ‘absolutely dying’ and couldn’t make it in.

“They were due in at nine. There was still no sign of them by half past so I rang the mobile. It just went straight onto a message minder.” said stock broker Michael Holihan.

“About an hour later one of their friends rang to say the markets couldn’t make it in.”

Mr Holihan eventually got through to the markets after numerous failed attempts on their mobile.

“I gave them some earful over the phone so I did.” he added.

Sources close to the Markets told WWN today that the Main Securities Market (MSM) had apparently been spotted late last night drinking with several unnamed bondholders in Temple bar, a well known socialising district in Dublin city.

It is now speculated, within the Irish stock exchange, that all three Irish markets may have overindulged over the long weekend and may also have persuaded a bondholder to phone in sick for them.

As a result of the no-show, European Markets plunged by over 3% this morning, leaving investors with little or no confidence in the stability of the EU.

The FTSE 100 index and France’s Cac-40 were more than 2% lower at lunch time as global markets worried that Irelands failure to make it in to work today has placed further doubt over the countries ability to function, increasing speculation over the eventual break-up of the single currency.

“If the Irish markets ever fail to make it into work again, then they will have to be hit with some kind of written warning!

“And if that doesn’t work, Europe will just have to let them go altogether.” warned EU analyst Hyde Clune.

One Irish stockbroker told this reporter that the markets texted him earlier to say they will be definitely be  in tomorrow: “I’d say they were on some tear last night.”

“They’re sick as a dog under a duvet cover somewhere. Afraid to pop their spiky little heads out.” he added.