Ireland Flees To Gulf Of Mexico With European Bail Out Funds


INTERPOL has launched an investigation after the island of Ireland fled the west coast of Europe yesterday evening shortly after receiving a ‘considerable sum’ of money from the European Central Bank (ECB).

Formed by large glaciers and a very harsh climate more than 10 thousand years ago, Ireland is the third largest island in Europe and the twentieth-largest island in the world.

Today it is home to more than 6.5 million people and has made the news lately for its struggling economy and moronic government.

The IMF, Interpol, the UK and the ECB have all launched an investigation after the country just ‘Got up and Left’ following a large transfer of European funds from the main central bank in Frankfurt, Germany.

The Irish government is understood to have cut off all communications to the continent early yesterday morning.

The European Commissioner for Economic and Financial Affairs, Olli Rehn, said today that he has tried on numerous occasions to get in contact with the Irish Taoiseach.

He said: “I have been ringing all morning. At first the phone would just ring out. Then it would ring for two or three times and stop, like he just rejected the call. Now all I’m getting is his stupid voicemail. I think his phone is off. I know he doesn’t like answering private numbers but this is ridiculous.

“I have also tried Michael Noonan’s office. They just keep telling me he’s out and that he left his mobile there so there’s no point in ringing it.”

Rehn thinks the Irish government might be avoiding his calls.

“Not only did they take our money but they also took Northern Ireland with them. There could be war over this.” he added.

An order to freeze the countries banks has been granted, but the ECB claim it is already too late. The funds have already been withdrawn.

None of the lending countries involved would comment, though Germany’s Bundespräsident Christian Wulff put out a statement saying: “Ireland has robbed us blind. They even stole a country from their closest neighbours.

No doubt, like the 70’s and yesterday, they will be back again in another 30 years with their tails between their legs looking for more money to spend.”

Ireland borrowed €90bn from the ECB yesterday as part of a emergency fund to help it’s struggling economy. Before that the country was facing widespread bankruptcy after numerous major banks came close to collapsing.

Today Ireland was not available for comment.