“Five Salaries Doesn’t Cut It Anymore”: Harder & Harder For Polyamorous Quintets To Afford Homes

WITH THE average price of ‘second hand’ homes in Dublin hitting €600,000 a significant portion of the workforce is being further priced out of owning a home, WWN has learned.

In fact, single people and first time buyer couples aren’t the only ones suffering, the nation’s polyamorous quintets are finding themselves unable to buy homes too.

“Even when we’ve taken into account the savings of Josh’s sort-of boyfriend situationship who hasn’t formally been subsumed into our polyamorous quintet, we’re way off in terms of income and a deposit,” explained Mary, Hannah, Josh, Diego and Sunset.

“If it’s getting to the stage where a five-person strong relationship is getting outbid again and again as options disappear before our ten eyes, the government has got to wake up and do something,” the couple said loudly, and irritatingly out of sync.

Far from being concerned that polyamorous quintets can’t compete with foreign investment funds and those with generational wealth, the government has defended their policies.

“Every couple who scrimps and saves to buy at a grossly over overinflated price is a new FF/FG voter in the making, because a society in which their €600k home with a mortgage debt of roughly €900k drops in value as a result of some new government solving the housing crisis is one they will violently oppose,” explained a government spokesperson.

Elsewhere, “I came up with that, makes you feel dirty and cheap, like it’s something you should be ashamed of,” confirmed the estate agent who decided to start referring to homes with previous owners as ‘second hand’.

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