How Having An Irishman As Creative Director At Dior Will Influence Fashion Trends

THE FASHION FRATERNITY on the island of Ireland are celebrating the news that 40-year-old Derry man Jonathan Anderson has been named the new creative director of Dior.

As Anderson begins his reign at the luxury brand known around the world, speculation as to what direction he’ll take the fashion behemoth in and how his Irishness will influence him have already begun.

“Obviously our patterns will change, out goes houndstooth and in comes Ben Sherman check shirts. For everything, check shirt handbags but not Burberry style – incomprehensible arranged visual vomit, check shirt underwear, the whole lot,” confirmed Anderson, who gave little else away.

However, sources suggest he hopes to have a combination of jeans and hideous brown shoes available for sale for €5,000 by the end of the week.

“The ateliers are already working on something called a ‘365 day a year hoodie’ that is the pinnacle of Irish men’s fashion, but every time they make something called Gah Shorts he screams ‘shorter, tighter, more unflattering’,” said one insider.

French fragrances labs have already had an abrupt change in working conditions. Dior perfumers have been sent to Irish towns to smell greasy chippers, Guinness farts, turf fires and silage.

“It’s the models I feel sorry for, a dozen or so male models have already dislocated their shoulders trying to throw shapes and get the ‘Irish lad walk’ correct,” explained one model booker, who was also against the toxic levels of orange fake tan the female models are now required to don.

“I keep thinking Monsieur Jonathan wants to talk to me about ‘haute couture’ but he says he was just clearing his throat after a breakfast roll got stuck. This will take time to get used to,” added his new PA.

“A €2,500 leather handbag in the shape of a hurl. Have you ever heard such nonsense?” critiqued one Irish fashion fan, who was already trying to buy a knockoff bag from a Chinese site.

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