“There Was No Autism In My Day” Says Local Man Of Society That Immediately Alienated Children Displaying Any Difference

RESPONDING to Department of Education figures that reveal there has been a threefold increase in children being diagnosed with autism in the last decade, local man Bernard O’Brion has confirmed he’s never heard such nonsense.

“These days there’s labels for this, that and the other you’d wonder how we survived at all, haha,” said O’Brion, blocking out all evidence to the contrary from his mind.

“We didn’t have any of that in my day and we were grand. Now, of course some kids were different – little Dermot in our class bless him, he had to have things just so or else he’d flip. Line up his pencils up a certain way. He was quare bullied for it and that was just the teachers, they’d give him a thump or two for acting out but all standard stuff,” offered O’Brion, declining the invitation to have something dawn on him.

“They sent him away in the end which was for the best ‘cus he’d be awful disruptive and that wasn’t fair on us normal lot,” added O’Brion, who had his own theories on the rise in autism being nothing to do with better, earlier screening and an acknowledgement of the neurodevelopmental disorder.

“Bring back lead in paint and asbestos in roofs in our schools, ever since we gave into this health and safety stuff this nonsense has been on the rise”.

Elsewhere, in response to figures suggesting 400 new special classes are needed every year for the next three years just to meet the number of children with autism, the government was clear they would step up and provide.

“Yeah, best we can do is maybe cast doubt on doctors’ diagnoses, suggesting some aren’t legit? Oh, and paying low entry level wages and offering little to no job security to anyone looking to become an SNA,” explained a spokesperson for the Minister for Restricted Access to an Education.

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