Drug Mules Welcome New Hourly Dublin-Belfast Rail Service

A NEW hourly train service linking Dublin to Belfast has been welcomed by human mules transporting contraband between the north and south of the island, hailing it as the best thing to happen their industry since sliced 9-bars.

“There’s less chance of being kicked off a train than a bus,” said regular ‘commuter’ Danny Ryan, who welcomed the regular train service with open arms today, “here, gissa lend of your phone there to make a call there bud, will ya? I’ll give it back before the next stop, swear ta God”.

The €25m investment is the biggest expansion of the route since the late 90s, with mules up and down the country calling for similar public routes to be made available nationwide.

“I’m barred from all the Waterford to Dublin buses so it would be great if there was an hourly train service for us too,” put local man Mossey Welsh, who went on to explain that better train services means better product for his customers too. “The amount of times I’ve over-mixed stuff in a bus toilet due to careless driving is crazy. Trains are the future man – steady as a rock… of crack!”