Fine Gael & Fianna Fáil Receive Bump In Polls After Record Homelessness Figures Announced

THE TWO largest coalition parties have seen their share of public support rise to a combined 43% in the latest Red C poll in response to news of another record-setting round of homeless figures.

Poll respondents who made up the share of Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil support answered ‘yes, more misery for others because I’m doing fine’ to the question of will you be voting for government parties in the forthcoming election.

“I don’t know about you but I look around the place at the minute and just get the overwhelming sense that everything is class,” said one Fianna Fáil voter.

“My favourite bit about the homelessness stats, which were again released on a Friday evening as to limit attention and media coverage, is that I’m not in them. Fuck everyone else,” confirmed a prospective Fine Gael voter.

Reacting to the news that hospital A&Es being death traps, 230,000 children living in poverty and 40% of adults between 25-34 living at home with parents are the sorts of thing that can see your support increase, Taoiseach Simon Harris and Tánaiste Micheál Martin said they couldn’t promise things would get any worse but that they ‘would try their best’.

Meanwhile, the Green Party are on a statistically improbable -112% with some members of the public declaring ‘it’s all the tree-fuckers’ fault, if only they weren’t in government FG/FF would have solved the housing crisis’.

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