‘Selling Your Dirty Underwear To Weirdos Online’: Colleges Give Tips On Affording Student Accommodation

WITH THE NEW academic year fast approaching many students are already partaking in the near impossible task known as ‘securing accommodation for the year’.

Increasingly aware and proactive, third level institutions are no longer leaving students adrift in a sea of house viewings and are on hand to help students with tips on how to afford ever-increasing costs.

“You don’t even have to wear the underwear before, just make it a bit smelly by rubbing your sweaty armpit on them or something, and the weirdos will be outbidding each other for them in no time,” said one person working at the UCD Student Centre, offering indispensable advice.

“Quadruple bunk beds in a windowless basement floor shed might sounds awful but when you divide €1200 by four, you can’t really argue with that maths. That means you wouldn’t have to sell too many pairs of underwear,” offered a TUD student liaison, highlighting there are still bargains out there despite the negativity some people like to project.

“Even tough you might not be an international student living on campus isn’t a pipe dream, it’s never too late to consider and Decathlon do really good deals on tents,” shared a Trinity rep.

“Sell those exorbitantly priced course books we made you buy but never used to a naive first year student, and use that money to secure accommodation that you were so desperate to get you didn’t realise it was clearly a scam,” relayed someone at UCC student services.

“Well in the short term, nothing is more affordable than dropping out,” shared the Department of Education.