Harris & Starmer Bond During Call Over Fact Public Resent Being Stuck With Them


THE FIRST phone call between Taoiseach Simon Harris and newly installed British Taoiseach Keir Starmer has been hailed as a ‘reset’ between the two countries, with both leaders bonding over the fact the public’s lack of enthusiasm for both men is visible from space.

Starmer, who spent much of his recent election campaign acting like a Scooby Doo villain who was about to be unmasked as David Cameron, shared Harris’ vision for relations between Britain and Ireland to return to a mutual policy of ‘let’s just keep Nordie moaning to a minimum’ which has dominated many of the post-Good Friday years.

“Have they used the ‘if beige was a human being’ insult with you yet?” queried Harris, as the pair swapped stories of how voters cannot believe this is the best their respective countries can produce.

The Irish Association of Insomniacs has asked for a recording of the conversation to be made available to sleep deprivation sufferers everywhere.

“It can’t be underestimated the shift towards the positive Starmer’s election is. We’ll ask for a border poll, they’ll say no. We’ll say hey your soldiers committed murder in Northern Ireland, they’ll tell us no. The Irish public will ask about clandestine cooperation between the governments during the Troubles to cover up certain things, and we’ll tell the public ‘shush’. What a refreshing change,” one government spokesperson said.

Elsewhere, Sinn Fein have hailed their own meeting with Starmer posting a photo in which the Labour leader looks like he’s just been told Jeremy Corbyn is now squatting in No.10 Downing Street and wiping his arse with Starmer’s monochrome silk pyjamas.