Trump Spotted Shopping For Crown After Supreme Court Ruling


BOUYED by the news from the US Supreme Court that a US president has immunity when carrying out ‘official acts’, Donald Trump has spent much of the last 36 hours trying to pick out the perfect crown.

“No, not gaudy enough,” Trump told a retail assistant working at the strip mall in Florida near his Mar a Lago golf club, as he poured over a number of discounted crowns in a pawn shop.

Just in time to celebrate the country’s Independence Day, the Supreme Court effectively voted to enhance the powers of the US president to that of a king, with one dissenting judge on the court saying a president would potentially be free to order a SEAL team to assassinate a political rival.

“How much is engraving? Maybe it should spell out ‘King Trump’ in jewels. But none of the lab grown shit, it’s got to have been mined by a kid or else what’s the point,” explained Trump, reaching for bag of money made up of donations from supporters.

Critics have said the politically motivated ruling is ‘pointless’ as things being a crime have never acted as a deterrent to Trump before, but then again they’re not the experts in ripping up constitutions.

Elsewhere, current president Joe Biden railed against the Supreme Court ruling, stating “no president should be made Kong! A gorilla, that big? The most powerful man in the world? It’d be a disaster” shortly before White House staff ushered him off stage.