DUP Make Last Minute Election Appeal To Voters Still Living In 1965

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A CHAOTIC final day of campaigning ahead of the UK general election tomorrow has seen the DUP concentrate all their efforts on people in the key ‘still living in 1965’ demographic in a bid to retain their eight MP seats.

“It’s why we get up in the morning, to serve the people who still use shillings, think Northern Ireland is a Unionist Supremacist State, and have never heard of gayness,” explained DUP leader Gavin Robinson.

This targeted campaigning will also come in handy due to the fact people living in 1965 will have no idea former-DUP leader Jeffrey Donaldson has been charged with a further 7 sex offence charges.

“They don’t know about it, or handily enough if they life in 1965 they blame the victim anyway. Christ, so would anyone living in 2005 so we’ll take their votes too,” head of DUP’s lack of strategy explained.

“Lobotomies were still widely in use in medicine so you don’t need me to tell you why that’s advantageous to us in the DUP”.

Elsewhere, Sinn Féin’s tried and tested ‘pay us to not go over there’ strategy could see them retain seven MP seats.

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