Taylor Swift Writes 10-Minute Song About Bastard Guinness That Gave Her The Shits


NOT WASTING any time after touching down in Ireland, Taylor Swift’s next great epic song about being betrayed by a former love has been penned.

What was initially a pleasant afternoon sipping pints of Guinness in Johnny Fox’s pub, Swift was doubled-crossed by the drink she once trusted after continuing her session in the gravity bar at the Guinness storehouse.

“Apparently her arse was like an oil spout – we even had to redecorate the ladies,” explained one staff member who said it took eight cleaners 12-hours to return the bathrooms to a fit state.

The harrowing incident has now given birth to Swift’s new epic, the 10-minute long ‘I Shit You Not (Betrayal At The Home Of The Black Stuff)’, in which the US songwriting marvel talks of broken trust between her and the iconic pint.

“Shout out, scream out, stout out my behind, Dublin, coulda’bin, stuck in my mind” went the opening bars of a song some followers are saying is among her finest ‘score settling’ belters.

“Love down the toilet at the Storehouse, Leaky arse got me timid as a mouse,” another passage of the song goes.

Reacting to the unfortunate turn Swift’s day took as she is about to perform at her first of three dates at the Aviva, die hard fans known as Swifties have set fire to Guinness breweries in Dublin, Malaysia and Nigeria.